Breathe Deep and Relax.....

I'm around my old home in Indiana, same trailer part, but looked nicer. I was escorting Santa Clause in his sleigh, and singing Xmas carols. all the while keeping an eye out and hunting Vampires.



have fun with this.

so in my mad dash to get out of my apartment after a fight with my old roomate, somehow, accidently, his wii sensor bar got packed into my stuff.

for those of you that have met Dave, or have heard of my interactions with him, when i find the bar, should i return it?

at one time i was in love with somebody. i would have done anything for this person and strove over and over to make him happy. In the end it didn't matter, he didn't have those feelings for me. He liked me as a very close friend, maybe even with the love of a dear friend, but never the love of a boyfriend/mate/husband ect. ect. i was bitter and upset for a while. and now He and i are what i consider to be close friends.

I had a chance to see things from his point of view recently, and it hit very close to home for me. I had a friend fall for me. but my feelings never grew and today i found the courage to say enough is enough. I hurt somebody a lot today and i feel like shit, but i hope he sees that i did it cause i do care for him. i hope that one day he'll be a friend to me.

Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love
-Charlie Brown

a story for most to enjoy

it was a beautiful evening nearly 3 months ago, and a party was to be thrown in honor of the birthday of Phoenix's favorite green and orange tiger. (or is that orange and green?) The celbration went on with almost no hitch, from the on the ball watriess at George and Dragon, to a very friendly (perhaps to friendly?) bartender at Bar 1.

I'd like to focus on the events at the George and Dragon if i might. Dinner was fantastic, and i can hardly wait until i can go again.

Service was great, our server was so attentive, she even brought out a cake for the birthday boy that was rainbow colored. I wish i could remember her name, she was so good, never missing a beat. when dealing with a needy table with almost 20 people, things can get hectic, but to my knowledge all was smooth. 3 or 4 rounds of shots, a dinner for everybody sans one bunny, a drink with eveyr dinner. ben a long time since i had a dinner party go so well..... untill the bill.

it was prolly my fault, i wanted to be nice to the server, and i really wanted to get to the bar to drink some yummy watermellon long island iced teas. so i just told the server to put it all on one bill. trying to seperate it would have ben a nightmare. the damages were better than i thought coming to around $400.00. A few people paid me their share up front, what saddens me is false promise of payment from some, and the flat out disregard from others.

Those of you that know me well, know that i don't push the issue of being paid back, maybe just a remark here or there, however, i find myself with suprise bills popping up with my new moved. such as a $275.00 deposit to SRP for a new account.

I guess i'm calling in my markers. as a friendly reminder, could those of you that owe me money please make an effort to pay me. I'd really appreciate it.


Terry/Zeno


This Email is not ment as a drama bomb, or the such, some of the people that went to the party have Blocked communications with me, or i just don't have their contact info. if you weren't there or don't owe me money just think of this as an ad for the George and Dragon. srsly, its good stuff.

On Wednesday morning, i'm leaving Phoenix for a small minivacation. I'm flying to Portland to see both new and old friends. I'm also checking out the area to judge it as a possible relocation site. I'm pretty burned on some aspects of phoenix any more, and really wish i could just get out.

Don't get me wrong, i have a ton of great friends, some of which are very close and i love dearly, but i've been here for 11 years and its time to give some thought to moveing. Really this is just a pipe dream at the moment, with the economy as bad as it is, even healthcare workers are having a rough time finding work. so i think that is going to be my big hurdle. The other will be my roommate. I have no clue how to tell him that i think it best if we part ways after 4 years of being roommates.

at some point this summer i will be making a point to check out San Diego, and in September i will head to Rain Furrest and take an extra day or two to check out Seattle.

Right now from what i hear Portland is really the best for me. San Diego is very pricey, and Seattle isn't much better. with my depression and bi-polar being controled i think that i could handle the meh weather that Seatlle and Portland both have.

More about that at a later date. the big question is, is anybody gonna be free Sunday march 1st around 9pm. I kind of need a ride home from the airport, Its not a big deal, i can prolly get a ride with my roomate, but the i have to field odd Furry related questions cause he just doesn't understand Furs.... Or me for that matter :)

If nobody can, like i said, its all good, i have several options that i can use.

Pictures and maybe stories to follow later.

Had a department meeting today. cut backs have hit the hospital. My department had to cut 5 positions, 4 were basically open postions that were "almost" filled, but the last was a FTE that had to be let go.... more cutbacks on the way.... scary...

Some days, it's a blessing to come home to a nicely made bed, crawl in, snuggle with a fluffy pillow and drift off to sleep.


g'night everybody

http://tinyurl.com/4hho6r

The GAY Project: A Photo Book

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Your result for The Where in America Do You Belong Test...

West Coast

41% Independent, 25% Traditional, 50% Liberal, 39% Aggressive

Take The Where in America Do You Belong Test at HelloQuizzy

How evil are you?

some of it seems pretty close to true. some... not so much

What Terrell Means

You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life. You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You're most comfortable when you're far away from home. You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble. You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone. You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together. At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together. You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something. You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense. You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun. You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow. You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily. Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is.

I'm sure that if i know what love is, it's only because you taught me.

Just like I'm sure if you know what regret is, it's only because i taught you.

I love the rain, nobody can see you're crying when you are walking in the rain

its just after 630.... Jupe should be on his plane flying home now. I was supposed to be his ride to the airport. to top it all off i now have the added guilt that i flaked out on him and wasn't there to be his ride.

I hope he doesn't have any animosity towards me for all the shit i've dumped on him. i really hope once i stop feeling so bad that we could be friends...

*sigh*

It's now Tuesday night, almost two days since the deed was done, and the pain hasn't faded at all. I'm still kicking myself for breaking up with Jupe, he was the best thing that had ever happened to me, but i know what i did was for the best. I need to work on myself so much before i can be in a relationship with somebody like him. I have to fight the urge not to contact him and beg him to let me take it back, but that would serve no purpose right now.

I don't' like myself anymore than i did Sunday, I'd still want him to be more open and expressive... rather I'd still need that. If I'd ever have a chance with Jupe i still need to better myself, and have more confidence in myself, and like myself more. I have a lot of doubt with myself, and that doubt is what fed the paranoia that i wasn't good enough for him.

I have to consider Jupe's feelings as well, our relationship caused him a lot of pain too. He knew he didn't have the same feelings for me, and when i would express my feelings for him, it caused him to feel guilty about it. I will never doubt that he cared for me. I think i took away a lot of things from Jupe by my caring so much. In a way i wonder if I took away some of the independence that he had by moving to Arizona. I knew he never liked the gifts or when i would buy stuff for him, but i did it anyway, it was all me trying to show him how much i cared with out putting it into words. Doing all that also made him feel guilty. He never worried about much, but he did tell me once he was worried that i would accuse him of using me for rides, or food, or other stuff that i bought. I never did, and i still don't, i gave him that stuff freely without any thought of him taking advantage of me.

i still cry wishing i could have one last hug from him.... :(
i gotta go fine a tissue now.

Its going on 9 hours since i broke up with Jupe, and i hate how i feel. I look around my room and see so many things that make me think of him. I have a small index card that he did doodles for me that i stop and look at every time i walk by my mirror. There is a shot glass that i bought him with a peso coin in it, sitting on top of the matrix box set. Every time i see them i start crying again :|

I hate that i broke up with him, but i think it was the right thing, Even so, i wish i could take it all back. I had hoped that he would have tried fighting for me, even a little bit.

Jupe was the best thing that could have happened to me, i learned quite a bit about myself, and he helped me with so many things. At the very least i hope i can be his friend one day, I know a part of me is always going to hope for a second chance. Just one more try to make things work. Maybe that chance will happen, maybe it won't, it wouldnt' be fair to myself or him to hover and wait.

I'm scared of seeing him at Village Inn, how do i act? what do i say? Will i be strong enough to be there, or am i going to have to leave, so i don't cause a scene.

I know that there is always going to be a part of me that loves him dearly, i hope i have a place in his heart too. I would give anythign for a hug right now..... i'm going to bed.

it was sometimes good and sometimes bad, but now it's over, i'm single once again.

god i hate how much this hurts :(

coming on home on sunday, miss so many ppl, more to report later. i did get time to do this meme. interesting...

Your result for The Attachment Style Test...

The Insect

60% Anxiety Over Abandonment and 40% Avoidance Of Intimacy

Take The Attachment Style Test at HelloQuizzy

PACK PACK PACK, RUSH RUSH RUSH

just as a good number of my friends get home from a con, i have to turn around and leave for 2 weeks. I leave tomorrow at 640, i will get back in phoenix Sunday the 13th i think/hope (standby ticket)

i will try to keep in contact online. but the area I'm going to be in... well it's kinda rural, so i may or may not have data service with my phone.

If i remember i'll take some pictures, to show you what Green is :)

luv you all.

OUT.